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<title>i will hold on forever by EquusGirl (EquusGirl0621)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022376">i will hold on forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EquusGirl0621/pseuds/EquusGirl'>EquusGirl (EquusGirl0621)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Creepy Lakes, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Entities That Love You So Much They Want To Eat You, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I was purposely vague, Is It Malevolent If It Just Wants For You Not To Hurt Anymore?, Near Drowning, Post-Star Wars: A New Hope, Romantic Friendship, Sentient Nature, Yes i know theres a lot of implied shit going on, implied mental health issues, implied suicidal ideation, implied trauma, so look at it as you will, yeah probably</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 22:14:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,055</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28022376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EquusGirl0621/pseuds/EquusGirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>There is a girl whose heart is broken and heavy, whose head weighs heavy with the demands of command.</i>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Amilyn Holdo/Leia Organa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Star Wars Rare Pairs 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i will hold on forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaracretak/gifts">kimaracretak</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A small gift for you; thank you so much for running this wonderful exchange, its the most fun I've had in fandom in a while and it wouldn't have happened without you. <strike>I did so much digging for this, I'm sorry; I feel like a creeper. But hopefully it pays off.</strike></p><p>Title taken from the lyrics of <i>End of Sorrow</i> by Autumn.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They are scouting planets for another base. There’s a lake near Leia and Amilyn’s base camp.</p><p>Amilyn doesn’t like it. It reminds her of the lakes from home, the ones you stay far away from in the dark hours of the night and cautiously approached in the day. Respectful of the power they possess. This one seems to swallow every shaft of light that touches it’s peaceful surface. And whenever she looks at it, she’s met with a profound sense of dread. The feeling settles like a stone in her chest, heavy and unmoving. She keeps a protective watch over Leia whenever they’re near it out of habit.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><br/>
<b>═══════════════</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Something about the placid waters seems to call to Leia, though it sends shivers down her spine whenever she looks at it too long. There is a distinct feeling of someone or <i>something</i> staring back at her from dark depths. It’s strange and unnerving but there’s a strange comfort to it. Like whatever or whomever is looking after her. It doesn’t ease the ache in her chest, that deep and ever present grief. The longing for home. For peace. After all, home no longer exists and the road to peace is long and bloody. But there is something welcoming in it's depths.</p><p>Leia has dreams about the lake, dreams where nothing hurts and she feels whole once more. She is light and free, the decisions and knowledge she carries don’t weigh her down. She is not the Last Princess of Alderaan. She is not the Ice Princess. She is not the Heart of the Rebellion. She is just Leia and she is free. Her joints don’t hurt and her head doesn’t ache. She is shapeless and floating and she is free. </p><p>The lake promises her all these things.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><br/>
<b>═══════════════</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>There is a girl whose heart is broken and heavy, whose head weighs heavy with the demands of command. She is tired but she carries on, sometimes by sheer force of will alone. The lake wants to heal her heart and relieve the burdens she carries. For the girl is made of light and hope. Her smiles are as brilliant as sunlight.</p><p>No, she <i>is</i> the sun. Clearing out the darkness and bringing light to everything she touches. And such a brilliant creature should not be weighed down by decisions where no one wins. Such a creature should not hurt. No more nightmares and no more suffering. No more aches and pains. She can give the girl all these things and more. She calls to the girl, whispering promises of peace and freedom. Of <i>home</i>.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><br/>
<b>═══════════════</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Leia cannot sleep. The confines of the tent feel suffocating and stifling, Amilyn’s body too hot where the weight of her warmth is normally a comforting presence. Carefully, so as not to disturb her best friend, she crawls from the tent. She breathes deeply, taking in a lungful of cool, night air. </p><p>She listens to night around her, insects chirping and the sounds of waves gently washing ashore. She looks to the lake, watches the water grab and reach up the rocky shore before receding again. The water would be cool against her heated skin. It would wash away the sweat that clings to her body, sticky and stifling. </p><p>Leia steps toward the shore, shedding her clothes along the way. The water laps at her toes, just as cool as she imagined, promising her relief. She takes a step and then another. She only meant to walk up to her waist but the water is such a welcome balm to her frayed nerves, she wades in deeper. Rocks shift unsteadily under her feet and she flails for a moment as the bottom slides away. But then she is floating. And she is free.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><br/>
<b>═══════════════</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>The lake wraps her waters around the girl, pulling her deeper, holding her close. Here in her peaceful waters, she can keep the girl safe. She can ease her pain and banish her fears. Oh so many fears. Fears of failure. Fears of letting others down. Fears of herself. Her own mind. So many fears dimming her beautiful light. The lake can take them all away so easily.</p><p>
  <i>Let me take you home.</i>
</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><br/>
<b>═══════════════</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Amilyn wakes in a cold sweat, fear seizing her heart like a vice. The tent is empty, Leia’s sleeping bag cold. She rips her way from the synthetic canvas, running toward the lake before she consciously realizes it. She doesn’t pause at the clothes strewn across the rocky shore. She doesn’t pause as she meets the water’s edge, running right into the waves, disturbing the calm surface. She glimpses something beneath the surface and she knows with a chilling certainty. She knows what she will find as she dives down.</p><p>Leia’s skin is like ice as Amilyn pulls her above water, and she doesn’t breathe. Doesn’t cough or sputter. </p><p>“Breathe dammit!” she screams, pulling Leia ashore and rolling her on her side. <i>"Breathe."</i></p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><br/>
<b>═══════════════</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Water tears its way up Leia’s throat as she coughs, violent wracking coughs that shake her whole body. She coughs and she coughs until she can breathe. Amilyn throws her arms around her then, pulling her tight and holding her close. She is warm where Leia is cold. So cold. She clings to Amilyn, fisting her hands in her shirt as she breathes raggedly into her neck. “Amilyn,” Leia croaks out. </p><p>“I’m here, Songbird; I’ve got you,” Amilyn whispers.</p><p>They’re back in the tent and Ami is dressing her in dry clothes, wrapping up her wet hair before she buries her underneath everything vaguely blanket shaped. She crawls in next, wrapping herself around Leia and holding her tight to her chest. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Angel,” Leia says as she burrows into the embrace, pressing her nose to Amilyn’s collarbone. “I don’t know what happened. I couldn’t sleep and the water felt so nice. And I am so <i>tired</i>. But I didn't mean anything by it. I swear. I was just standing there and then I was underwater,” Leia rambles.</p>
<p></p><div>
  <p><br/>
<b>═══════════════</b><br/>
</p>
</div><p>"I know."</p><p>Amilyn knows what happened. She knows of lakes that sing sweet promises. She knows how tempting and simple such promises seem. But they are always empty and come at great costs. So she holds her best friend close and whispers different promises to her best friend. Ones she will keep until the day she dies.</p>
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